September 17, 2005

Another Self Banning

I had the best of intentions, but me and my big mouth have yet again landed us in a predicament.

When I must deal with any sort of government agency, be it City, State or Federal, I always make sure my ducks are in a row before attempting the dreadful task of acquiring their services. I call first, make sure I have filled out everything that needs to be filled out; I ask them to list everything I will need to bring with me; and then I ask them if there is anything else I should know. These lessons were of course, learned the hard way. I have on many occasions voiced my opinion in these situations to whoever was in hearing distance. I have pointed out the many faults in their systems and have confronted department heads and asked why the hell that employee was in that position.

Thank God the days of Scarlet Letters are gone, mine would be a giant 'B'. Every government office entered, I would immediately be shunned and told to take a seat.

Now granted, many government employees have to deal with undesirable people, anyone in retail understands. But it's our tax dollars that pay their salaries and they really should treat us more as customers rather than a nuisance.

So here's the issue. The first time we attempted to get Unplanned No. 2's Learner's Permit, the computers were down. It was just the other day that we once again had the opportunity to attempt this task, and I of course had called to make sure the computers were fine and that I had everything I needed.

The venture began poorly when we entered and the employee at the front desk was on a personal phone call and refused to help us. We went ahead and stood in line (and yes I said loudly, that frickin guy is on a personal call) but noticed that over by him was a 'take a number' machine. So we stepped back over there and waited while he finished up his personal call. When finished, he asked if he could help us, we told him what we needed and he looked at our documents.

Well it turns out that my son's birth certificate wasn't good enough for them. It is a legitimate State of California birth certificate, it's legal, it's good; it's what we got his passport with. We have used this birth certificate for everything for the past 15 1/2 years and were now being told that this certificate was no good. At this point I'm assuming its because the moron at the desk was thrown off by an out-of-state certificate and it was just too much for his feeble mind to grasp.

After I made sure that these people knew what they were doing was wrong, I went home and called the Colorado DMV. It turns out that my son's certificate, everyone's sons and daughters birth certificates, yours, mine, every citizen of this country; our certificates are no longer good.

After 9/11 they decided that they needed to change how drivers licenses are obtained. Being a government thing and all, it has taken almost 4 years to instill this new requirement. A few months ago, his old certificate would have been fine, but no longer. So, illegal aliens can get drivers' licenses in several states, but my natural born US citizen son, with proper documentation, cannot.

I am now going to have to deal with the State of California to obtain a new certificate. My first call to their Department of Vital Statistics went like this:

"Due to budget cuts, our customer service staff is only available from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon, Pacific Standard Time, Monday through Friday."

So California can find the money for Embryonic Stem Cell research but can't answer a damn phone. It took me two days to get a real, live person.

I'm beginning to believe that this is just a conspiracy. Its going to cost me $15 to get a new certificate. Now if there are 280 million of us in this country, then that's $4,200,000,000 that state agencies across this nation will receive because all of us need new birth certificates.

When we finally get the new certificate in 4 to 8 weeks, my husband will have to be the one who takes him in. I'm pretty sure they would remember me and I highly doubt they'll be helpful.

Posted by Stacy at September 17, 2005 12:08 AM | TrackBack

You could be optimistic and say you scared them so much they helped you....but that probably isn't happening.

Posted by: Nettie at September 17, 2005 12:47 AM

Working in the legal field, I deal with these turds every day. Imagine that compounded with the fact that each judge considers himself as some sort of fuedal lord, and endows his staff with some of the same sort of snootiness.

We should all get shirts printed that say "I pay your salary, act accordingly" and wear them when entering any gubbamint facility.

Posted by: Beast7 at September 17, 2005 09:12 AM

I don't need a birth certificate. It should be fairly obvious to even the dullest public servant that I was, in fact, born.

I simply let my 2 best friends vouch for me: Smith, and Wesson.

Posted by: Jeff H at September 17, 2005 06:21 PM

That's a good conspiracy theory, you might be right.

Posted by: Darlene at September 17, 2005 09:13 PM

I'm with Jeff. We don't have as many of these problems down here in Texas. The department of public safety is very aware of just how well armed our public is.

Posted by: bigwhitehat at September 18, 2005 02:35 PM

And yet another reason for me to move to Texas.

Posted by: Stacy at September 18, 2005 02:39 PM

So explain to me how exactly invalidating everyone's birth certificate helps national security. Doesn't make very much sense.

Posted by: Matthew Brown at September 19, 2005 03:57 AM

Red tape abounds everywhere. I've been living in Colorado since 2001 but since I keep going back and forth to NYC I never did get a CO driver's license. Well, my NY one expired so I thought I'd finally get a CO one. Didn't exactly work out ...

I go to Motor Vehicle Dept. and they tell me that they can't give me a CO license without a passport because I don't have a birth certificate. Well, I was born in Germany and it's a pain in the ass to deal with their government so .. I don't have a birth certificate. The messed up part is that they DO have a CO license on file for me from back when I lived here for a year in '93 ... but they still wouldn't give me a new on. "Go get your Passport," the clerk said.

I head over to the Post Office to apply for a passport but ... THEY WON'T GIVE ME ONE WITHOUT A CURRENT LICENSE!


Alright ... I'm done.


Posted by: sin at September 19, 2005 10:16 AM

Beats me Matt; you would think that I could go in with his passport, our marriage license and both my husbands and my own birth certificates and maybe, just maybe, they would give my son a learner's permit.

Here's what pisses me off even more. When I got my driver's license and marriage license, in the state of Colorado, albeit many years ago; I used the birth certificate issued by the hospital, not the state. GOVERNMENT AGENCIES SUCK!!!! My son wants to make a bumper sticker that says 'The DMV Must End'.

Sin-just go to New Mexico or Arizona, you can get a driver's license there; just tell them your an illegal from Mexico. ;)

Posted by: Stacy at September 19, 2005 11:01 AM