August 03, 2005

A Vagina's Monologue


Let me begin with saying how pleased I am to be here. But I do feel it necessary to go over a few things with you before we head too much further into our life together.

First you should know that I am a perfect gift to you from God. I have a purpose and should not be used for anything else other than my intended use. You have received me as a gift to be given as a gift. So valuable am I, that a man will do just about anything to get me. You must be cautious, you must be vigilant.

I was given to you in order for you to give to one and only one man. Please know that the blessings you receive from this are greater than one can imagine. I am not to be shared among many, I am not to be taken foregranted. If you adhere to God's plan for me, I will in return bring you great joy. Great joy that comes with much honor and respect. Joy that comes with no burden of guilt. Joy that cannot be explained to anyone who has never experienced it.

If you respect me, you will not be subjected to sexually transmitted diseases. If you respect me, I will usher in an even greater gift from God. I am the gateway to your children. I will deliver them to you and your loving, needing arms. I will be there as you kiss the forehead of your child for the very first time. I will bring joy to your household as I fill it with the children you and your husband create.

I'm not sure if anyone has told you any of this. Many adults no longer respect me and indoctrinate you young people with lies. I felt that I needed to portray these things to you so that we might have a happy life together. You see, you only get one of me. I cannot be replaced, I cannot be upgraded. So I beg of you, take care of me. In doing so I will take of you.

Thank you,

Your Vagina

Posted by Stacy at August 3, 2005 01:44 PM

Hey Stacy, I love you, thanks. Happy vacation to all of your family.

Posted by: Paul of York at August 3, 2005 02:26 PM

I dropped a little post on my page about this article, is that okay in Blogland?

Posted by: Paul of York at August 3, 2005 03:07 PM

Great post girl! I'm gonna let my 16 year old daughter. Hope you have a good vacation!

Posted by: Paula at August 3, 2005 03:43 PM

When my vagina talks to me, my doctor prescribes more risperdal.

Seriously, great stuff. And a wonderful counterpoint to the ultra-godless feminist BS that passes for "enlightened dialogue" these days.

Posted by: Jeff H at August 3, 2005 04:47 PM

I admit, your penis week and vagina week had this mildly-prudish mom a little uncomfortable. But I absolutely LOVE this post. I have to show it to my husband, at least, and now I am scouring my mind for friends I wouldn't feel uncomfortable sending to something titled with the V word. But I do love this monologue.

Posted by: Kristi at August 3, 2005 07:12 PM

Stacy: Your post is excellent - it encompasses all that I have tried to explain to my two teenage daughters about the sanctity of their feminine role within God's plan. Thanks - I plan to let my girls read it. Also - have a happy and safe vacation!

Posted by: valerie at August 3, 2005 09:06 PM

I have to say, that was one beautifuly writen statement. That's all I can say. Nothing perverted, nothing "Knockle draggin neanderthal" like. Just Beautiful.


Posted by: RegularRon at August 3, 2005 09:10 PM

What a fabulous blog! I've really enjoyed perusing your posts. I live in Colorado Springs and can't imagine being anywhere else. *grin*

Posted by: Donna at August 6, 2005 08:28 PM

Awesome. Just awesome.

Posted by: E.M. at August 7, 2005 09:37 PM

Oh yeah, I know a 10 year old that's about to read this post. These days you can't start teaching them too early. Thank you for this.

Posted by: Bonnie at August 10, 2005 01:32 PM

Stacy - I had to post that Click4Cathy button and post on my blog. So it moved my post linking to this one down a bit. I promise I'll re-post it when it will get more coverage. But it's not like I have a HUGE reading audience. LOL ;-) But still, I like your site and want to help you any way I can.

Posted by: Housewife at August 10, 2005 02:03 PM

I just noticed the trackback glitch. I apologize to those who tried to track.

Posted by: Tony at August 11, 2005 09:39 PM

I tried to tackback and it didn't work, either?

Anyway, I linked this here:

We seem to share a disdain for the Vagina Monologues for very different reasons. But, thought I'd let you know that your letter is officially linked to the left side of the blog-o-verse, and I actually think this post was really creative, or at least, I'd not seen anything like it.

Posted by: aldahlia at August 13, 2005 09:35 PM

Darn it! My copy and past sucks.

That's me. Not the entry on Democrats and graduations. I'm sorry about that.

Posted by: aldahlia at August 13, 2005 09:36 PM

I thought of posting something really witty, but then decided, "what's the point?". Thank goodness there are other vaginas out there with more interesting stories to tell.

Posted by: skippy-san at August 17, 2005 11:26 AM

Yea, but after you talk to those vaginas you have to go through a round or two of antibiotics. It must suck being desperate for multiple vaginas.

Posted by: Stacy at August 17, 2005 01:20 PM

You know, I've got to say that the idea of "giving" my vagina to anybody is about the most disgusting and disturbing image I've come across in a while. My (male) lover has no interest in "taking" my vagina from me, whether it is willingly "given" or not, any more than I am interested in taking his penis.

I also find it hilarious that you think you were "given" your vagina...were you also "given" your elbows, and do you also cherish the thought of "giving" your elbows to one and only one man? Why are you so eager to give away your body parts? Personally, I would rather share myself (my WHOLE self) with the person(s) I find worthy, but I'd just as soon not give any of my bits away until after I am dead.

Posted by: Chuckling Heartily at August 17, 2005 10:28 PM

Keep laughing loser, our bodies are a gift from God.

Posted by: Stacy at August 18, 2005 09:58 AM

As for using multiple vaginas, well no antibiotics have been required. It has ensured I get the sex I want, which is the main thing.

Like I said, its not a point that can be argued.
As long as the argument is shrouded in religion it makes it impossible to work from a standpoint of logic.
I find the American view of sexuality to be disturbing, to say the least. Chuckling Hearty and I agree, and trust me I'm not a loser. Just a man with different point of view.

Posted by: Skippy-san at August 18, 2005 05:49 PM

And SS for views are always welcome here whether I agree with them or not. I just ask everyone to be cordial.

Posted by: Stacy at August 18, 2005 09:05 PM

Which is as it should be. Politness is always at the core of a good debate. I just like to stir the pot....(and get people stirred up enough to visit my blog.....). All the best.

Posted by: Skippy-san at August 19, 2005 02:36 AM

My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and have every expectation of staying that way. Her vagina does not belong to me. With my wife's kind permission, I also currently have two lovers. They also have vaginae, which also do not belong to me. Furthermore, all parts of my body belong to me (except for my foreskin, but that's another issue).

No antibiotics have been involved so far, nor any guilt. Only love, friendship, passion and (oh yes) joy. Great joy.

Posted by: Mister Nice Guy at August 22, 2005 04:31 AM

My condolences on missing out on one of the greatest experiences in life Mr. NG.

Posted by: Stacy at August 22, 2005 10:44 AM

Stacy, you have my eternal gratitude for your wonderful gift of condescension.

Posted by: Mister Nice Guy at August 22, 2005 06:17 PM

Oh, you're most welcome Mr. NG. But really, I will tell you what I tell everyone. I don't care if you agree with me or not; I actually appreciate EVERYONE'S opinions. The only thing I ask is that you keep it cordial, and you did indeed do that and I am genuinely appreciative, no sarcasm meant with that at all. I do hope you continue to come by.

Posted by: Stacy at August 22, 2005 07:25 PM

Stacy, do you understand *why* I found your comment so offensive and condescending? I really do not take it kindly when someone tells me that my marriage is a sham and I've been kidding myself the whole time that I've thought myself happy and fulfilled.

If that's not what you meant, please tell me how else to interpret your words.

Posted by: at August 23, 2005 08:41 PM

I will never tell you that I agree with your marital situation, that's just not going to happen. Marriage is two becoming one, not four becoming one. I know that men are sexual predators and I know that historically, and even in some cultures today, that men had multiple wives. But I have never met a woman, and I've met many different kinds of people, who would be okay with their husband doing other women. My statement to you was meant to be offensive, period. I think that your situation is a very sad one, but I'm not your momma or your wife. For me personally I cannot imagine even desiring another man. My husband gives me more than any other man could and he takes great pride in that. And on his side I KNOW that there is no other woman that he desires. He is constantly telling me that I'm almost more than he can handle. I just can simply not fathom an open marriage. I cannot understand you being okay with your wife doing other men, and vice versa. I would think that it would make the people in the marriage feel inadequate for their spouse to look elsewhere. Also you should consider your health, I mean, when do you sleep? I do appreciate your opinion, as I've stated before, but I'm not changing mine, and I'm sure you're not changing yours.

Posted by: Stacy at August 23, 2005 09:37 PM

You know, Stacy, the only issue I've ever had with you is your belief that one size fits all, that everyone whose sex life isn't run your way (Hugh Hefner, Benedict XVI, Nancy Reagan) is doomed to a "very sad" life that will never be as wonderful as yours.

The difference between us is, I'm glad you are happy, but my happiness apparently bothers you, so much so that you feel compelled to deny it.

Posted by: Mister Nice Guy at August 24, 2005 06:34 PM

There are millions of women in Africa "saved their vagina" for their one-and-only-man who now have AIDS because their husbands visit prostitutes and won't allow their wives to use condoms.

There are plenty of women out there who have "given" their vagina to one man and gotten abuse back.

There are also many women who had sex with only one man in their lives and who were not blessed with babies, no matter how much they wanted them or how pure those women might stand in your eyes.

I don't think God hands out goodies to people for being pure or monogamous any more than I think rich people are rich because they're better than everyone else. Because it insinuates punishment on those who did do all the "right" things and were never rewarded with babies or a perfectly healthy body or vagina.

Further, I think it's a dangerous position to put yourself in here, talking about your "perfect" relationship with your husband. Please be careful how you judge others and how you hold yourself in relation to them. One thing I've learned well is that God has not tolerated my hubris. Once, I was completely intolerant of and incomprehensive of ANY kind of straying from the one-man and wait for marriage rule. Then, life taught me that it's just not practical and, in retrospect, was not at all healthy.

I do believe in monogamy. But I can't judge others for their life choices. It's just not my place.

Posted by: Megan at August 24, 2005 08:28 PM

Mr. NG - I never said your happiness 'bothers me'. As a Christian I defend the new testament and it's teachings. To do anything other than that would make me a hypocrite. And I do need to correct one thing I said, I did remember one friend I use to have that was in an open marriage and they were both very happy, still I don't agree with it. Want to know something else funny? My best friend is a chain-smoking, alchohol recovering, therapy going lesbian. She and I hit it off very well as friends as while back. I tell her that although I don't agree with her she's still my best friend. Can you understand that?

Megan-You have taken everything the wrong way. I don't even know where to begin. It's late and I need to go but I'll leave it with this. If these men stayed monogamous then these women would not be infected. If everyone saved themselves for marriage and never had extra-marital affairs than STD's would be non-existent. You just kind of proved my point with your comment. I never claimed I had a perfect marriage, there is no such thing. But I am thankful for what I've been given. Everyday we make decisions that affect the rest of our lives. All too often, because of a poor decision by a person, it affects an innocent person. You can include everything from what you mentioned to theft, rape, fraud, drunk driving. We all make decisions, what's wrong with thinking through things first.

Posted by: Stacy at August 24, 2005 11:16 PM

Well, Stacy, my happiness apparently bothers you enough that you have tried to deny that I am happy at all, ever have been or ever will be.

You insist that you bear me no ill will, yet you keep on calling me by a degrading nickname. That puzzles me.

By the way: has it occurred to you that when you denigrate my marriage, you are also putting down my wife? There's enough of the old-fashioned man in me that I especially do not take kindly to that.

Posted by: Mister Nice Guy at August 25, 2005 06:34 AM

Mr. NG-what degrading nickname? I have no clue as to what you're talking about. I have at no point told you that you were a bad person, that you were rude, or anything of the sort. In fact I have said the opposite. I have told you that I appreciate your politeness. I am satisfied that we simply have different opinions, why can't you be? You'll not suddenly change my mindset, nor I yours. Having a difference of opinions has existed since the beginning of time, I don't know why you can't accept that. I will probably close comments on this post. It's not that I'm bailing out of this post, it's just that it's old and I have other ones to focus on. Meet me at the top.

Posted by: Stacy at August 25, 2005 12:20 PM

congrats. u r featured on

Posted by: skidmark 2 at August 26, 2005 11:40 AM